Skinny Cupcakes

I don't worry about calories when eating delicious desserts. However, we all have that one friend who is a work out feign and eats nothing.

My friend, who's skinny soul shall reman nameless, had a birthday this week. I decided to make some cupcakes for her, but I knew she wouldn't eat a whole one unless they were "diet."

You need all of this: funfetti mix, diet sprite, fat-free whipped topping, sugar-free jello.

You mix together the funfetti and diet sprite. Add enough diet sprite so that the mix is just a regular mix texture. Put the batter in cupcake containers in the oven for 375 degrees for 25 minutes.

Whip together the jello and cool whip to make the icing.

Take the cupcakes out of the oven and let cool. Then you ice!

So if you have a psycho-skinny friend make these for their birthday!

Tres Leches

I LOVE Mexican food. I HATE Mexican desserts.

Example 1: What is flan? Unset jello with pudding thrown in? It's disgusting and reminds me of baby food, except I would never feed a child that.

Example 2: Why do they make tres leches cake? It's like a buttermilk cake drenched in milk. It is completely backwards! You put the milk in and then bake! I honestly just find it vile.

However, tonight I decided to eat my words.

I was shopping in highland park with my mom and when she gets hungry we treat it as though she is a 6 month old famished. We stop whatever we are doing and go wherever is the nearest.

Taco Diner is like the Taco Bell of highland park. Except the tacos are about $12 and the children running around have shoes on. Oh, and there is no drive through, but you get it.

Anyways, I have low blood sugar. More like at one point my doctor said "Oh hey your sugar levels are low. Um if you feel faint just drink some orange juice." That was about 6 years ago but I milk it for what it's worth just so I can eat desserts and not feel judgement upon me.

So I was craving sugar, like always, and told my mom my sugar was low. She got the waitress over and said to bring a dessert quickly.

This is what she came back with.

It looked pretty solid. I figured it was just what they used for birthday cakes.

It tasted delicious and I devoured the entire thing within minutes. My mom now thinks I need to go back and get my blood sugar checked. Oops.

When the waitress came back I asked her what I had just eaten because I figured I'd go home and bake it this weekend. She responded, "Tres Leches."

I was mortified and I will continue to think it was birthday cake. However, if you are in the highland park area go there and order the tres leches cake and just forgive that it has condensed milk poured all over it.

COOKIE BUTTER COOKIES

I've been a bad foodie. Trader Joe's has been open for months in Fort Worth, and somehow it took me until last Friday to go there.

The only way I can describe it is to compare it to feelings. I'm going to assume that the feeling I had walking around Trader Joe's for half an hour is the same feeling an alcoholic gets when they go into a bar. 

I couldn't go on a food shopping spree. That is when you call weight watchers. Instead, I decided to be very selective. I got about seven items, yes that is selective. The superstar of them all was cookie butter. 

I had no idea what to expect but everyone seemed to be grabbing it so I figured I had to be cool and get some too. 

When I got home I apprehensively took a bite. I thought it would taste chunky, or like a bunch of girl scout cookies got mixed up. 

I was so wrong. It tastes like some form of crack-addict peanut butter. I can't even describe it, but I can say that I've been putting it on EVERYTHING the past weekend. I'm not using the word everything lightly either. I've put this stuff on chicken....

I decided to make cookies. Normally cookies are delicious and filled with butter, so why not try adding some cookie butter in there?

You need: a teaspoon of salt, a teaspoon of baking soda, a third of a cup of oats, a fourth of a cup of brown sugar, half of a cup of regular sugar, a teaspoon of vanilla and enough milk to make it creamy. I just poured a little bit in.

You mix the dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately. 

Then you combine!

Bake at 350 for 10 minutes! 

I still can't describe the taste. But you are welcome because they are delicious.

CAKEBALLS!

The last recipe is for amateurs. While delicious, a soccer mom could make it on the way out to practice. I believe that the longer it takes you to make your food, the more of a right you have to indulge. Maybe that is a form of denial? Coping mechanism? Who knows.

One of my favorite things to make that is literally SO ANNOYING are cakeballs. I love them because they are little bundles of cream cheese icing and cake batter all in one. I hate them because they are honestly a pain to make. You bake cake. Ruin it. Roll cake into balls. Dip them. Sprinkle them. Let them dry. It is just a long process and a tedious one. But for 140 calories a pop they should take you awhile.

Another disclaimer: this recipe makes your kitchen a mess. I don't know if it was the fact my friend, my sister and I were making these. Or that we were watching reality TV at the same time. But my OCD mother about had a heart attack. However, I consoled her with giving her a cake ball and then making my sister clean the kitchen.

You need cake batter, cream cheese icing, sprinkles and white chocolate candy coating squares. You can also use almond bark. 

Make your cake! 

Ruin your cake! Most recipes will say to "let your cake cool and then mash it up." Since most of us aren't on The Real Housewives of DFW don't waste time letting it cool. This stuff is going to be ruined in a ball anyways. Just mash it up! 

Put an entire tub of cream cheese icing in your cake. Next you mix it all together and roll pieces of the cake goo mixture in your hand. Make little balls about half an inch in size. I told my sister to take a picture of this. She clearly forgot, and I would fire her if she wasn't so easy to convince to help me. I swear I can bribe her with anything as simple as an old sock.

Make your icing candy coating! Just heat up your almond bark. I threw some food coloring in mine.

I made a little assembly line with sprinkles. Dip the cake balls into the coating and then sprinkle!

Place the cake balls on foil and put in the fridge for about 30 minutes!

Ta-da! Now you have magical cake goodies! 

Cake Batter Popcorn

My life is usually a constant battle between my love for food and not wanting to get fat. My second battle is salty or sweet. I'm the person at the movie theatre shoving candy into my popcorn because I need both at one time. Thank God I like running, otherwise I'd be on The Biggest Loser.

Last week my sister and I were snacking and kept going back and forth with chips and marshmallow dip. I know, I said I should be obese. We kept arguing like all loving siblings do. She'd keep the chip bag too long, I'd quadruple dip my spoon in the dip. We figured we needed a snack that was salty and sweet at the same time, and preferably one where we didn't have to share.

So, I of course came up with the most genius high-caloric-idea ever: cake batter popcorn.

I googled it to make sure I was the first person to think of this. Sadly, moms for the past 40 years have been making this stuff. However, I'd never had it.

The next hour was spent running to Kroger and unloading everything in the kitchen. Forewarning: you have to eat this on a horrible cheat day. This is sodium injected popcorn with raw-egg cake batter on top. This is not for the weak.

Here is how you make this delicious treat. You are probably shaving a minimum of 6 months off your life-span, but if God has a kitchen in heaven I'll  make this stuff up there too. I'll be the most popular angel of them all.

First off you need a cake batter of your choice, I went with Funfetti because nothing says I'm doing it big like the Pillsbury dough boy. You also need a few packets of almond bark. I went with white chocolate flavor, you should too. Obviously you need popcorn. Do yourself and your arteries a flavor and just get the homemade natural kind. You'll be throwing on tons of processed sugar later. If you want to be cute throw in sprinkles. I swear I had a picture of this but I assigned my 13-year-old sister as a photographer, and I can assure everyone that is not her calling.

Mix the cake batter. Lick the spoon, obviously.

Pour the cake batter on your freshly-popped popcorn. Yes you are consuming raw eggs, no you won't die. If you are really weird about that you probably won't be reading this recipe. However, you can take the yolks out and just use egg whites. That makes it a little bit better. 

Microwave your almond bark in intervals of 30 seconds. Then pour all over the popcorn like the cake batter. 

Add your sprinkles and let cool. 

Now, go to town. My diabetic grandfather ate this stuff. That is how good it is. Enjoy the 6 miles you'll have to run the next day too! :)